They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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