OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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