yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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