im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Actions speak louder than pants.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
