your room smells of hookers.
And success
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
