he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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