Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Did I show you my penis last night?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Oh god it's open bar.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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