Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
