I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
