I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
