Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
