so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
