I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize