did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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