There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
