what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
