All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
