The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
