As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
