I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
