come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
