she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
