You smell like a Billy Joel song
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
