College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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