trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
