I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
