i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
