The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
