Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
