I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
