at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
