It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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