gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
