Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
