This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
