I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
