i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
