I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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