I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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