Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
