im having a threesome with these popsicles
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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