you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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