i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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