I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
where does the pee come out of this thing
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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