Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
