She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
