why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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