When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
