She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
