I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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