im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
