I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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