Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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