hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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