wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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