Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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