Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
