"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
