Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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