I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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