Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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