My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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