my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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