The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
