I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
