yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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