is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
im holly from the hills drunk
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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