I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
