u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
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you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
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I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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