The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I need to calm my uterus...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
