the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
someone threw a dead crab at me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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