found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Never joke about your clitoris.
Two words: nipple clamps
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