I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
