You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
