Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
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I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
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You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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