Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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