I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
