Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize