Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
